Day 10: Back in the Hospital

Not yet to the point of being zonked out, still sensitive to life, I heard Greg whimpering and felt him put his legs over mine signaling that I needed to rub them. I noticed that they were hotter than normal. Will was still awake and took his temp; it was over 101.

We've been burning the candle at both ends these last few days and hoped his temperature would miraculously go down a few degrees so that we could get much needed sleep. After the third or fourth time of taking his temperature, the reality set in that we'd just won a ticket to the emergency room. We called the doctor who confirmed this.

They never told us the protocol if he were to get a fever. I just knew it wasn't good. I had thought about asking, but figured I might not want to know. I just hoped I wouldn't have to cross that bridge.

As I hugged him and told him that I loved him and that it was time for him to leave, my thoughts turned to what it may have been like when Heavenly Father gave him his last hug before He sent him to earth to experience his mortal probation. I realize now that I was overly paranoid, but I didn't know if I would see him again. He was so weak and frail and literally incapable of tackling the mountain before him. I ran upstairs and fell on my knees and cried mightily to my Father in Heaven on behalf of Greg.

I promised Will I would try to get some sleep. He sent a text awhile later saying that his blood count was low and that they were going to give him an antibiotic to combat the infection. Relieved that this was the solution, I gave-way to my body's longing for rest.

When morning came, I called Will to check on Greg and to see what the plan was. He wanted me to bring him a few items. I figured by the time I got to the children's hospital, Greg would be ready for discharge. However, knowing how tired and hungry Will must have been, I hurried to get myself and the kids ready, fed, out the door, and on our way to the sitter's.

The doctor came in shortly after I arrived at the hospital. I was thinking he was going to give us the recap and send us on our way. I was wrong. He said not to worry about his food and constipation issues. Among other things, he explained that his lack of ability to fight infection is part of the normal cycle of chemotherapy; his blood count would have to be 200 or more before he would release him - it was at an 8 or 9; it could take 3-5 days for his immune system to repair itself. My eyes filled with tears.

After allowing myself to calm down, I explained to my depressed son some benefits of being at the hospital: he gets Mom or Dad at his side 24/7, the kids aren't around to bother him when he doesn't feel like it, there are nurses right outside the door if we need help, there's an ipad in the schoolroom, they put the medications into his PICC line so he doesn't have to drink them, he can watch movies all day...

They upped the dose of Morphine and Greg went to sleep. When he came to momentarily we had an interesting conversation:

"Harry Potter had no choice but to fight the dragon."
"Greg, do you think that you are like Harry Potter?"
"I am just telling you."
"Was it a tough fight for Harry Potter?"
"Yes."
"Did he win?"
"Yes."
"Greg, you are like Harry Potter! And this cancer is your dragon! Guess who's going to win?"
"Me."
"Yes, Greg, you are going to beat this!"

I love being a mom. I have had many hours in the hospital to reflect on my life. I am learning I need to fully enjoy the blessings in my life: watching William's dimple appear as I'm swinging him on the swing, watching Bella get the courage to let go of the handle and slide down the slide, really listening to Greg's stories, bonding and making memories with Madilyn, spending quality time with Will... these are the things that really matter.